Of course, long disclaimers at the beginning of blog posts are all the rage these days, so lemme just say: Yes, I’m generalizing.Surely not all Spanish women are like the four or five Marias that I’ve dated. And one further disclaimer: if you’re the kind of person who thinks it’s my civic duty as a foreigner never to say anything negative about Spain or Spanish people, you probably won’t like this article.Anyway, Spanish girls are used to dating guys who own cars – or who can at least borrow one from Dad when he’s ready for some action. If you’re in your 20s or 30s and carless, but somehow manage to scrape together the money to rent a room in a shared flat, you’ve got a leg up on the competition. Maybe she got sick of my carless ass and our sofa dates… Of course, there are people from all over who believe one strange thing or another. Here’s one that bothers me: the idea that aircon or heating makes you sick. The amount of heartbreak I’ve been through because of Spanish girls and our cultural misunderstandings is truly mind-boggling. ‘Cause last time I checked, sex in cars was pretty awkward. I don’t see much of what goes on inside Spanish families. But let’s just say women from the South of Europe are used to expressing themselves and talking about how they feel – often at high volume. Spanish people just converse in tones that sound (to us timid anglophones) like someone losing their shit. Maybe she longed to go back to making out in the park with an unemployed guy who uses lots of hair gel and “goes clubbing” for fun – whatever that means. Or really moving air of any kind – especially if you’re indoors. I’m shocked that I’m still – barely – hanging onto a shred of sanity, after all that.
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And inspired by her, I figured I’d make my contribution to the conversation…
You might see her do it with friends – shouting and waving her hands, in a group of 9 people who are all talking simultaneously. If you should somehow become the target of this conversational shouting – and you will, if the relationship lasts longer than a few hours – the best thing to do is just breathe. It might not even be an argument – at least by her definition. You’re saying, “But last weekend my mother-in-law made Anyway, much like dating a Spanish girl means you’ve forgotten about any summer plans that don’t involve lying on a beach for 3 weeks, you’d also better forget about Sunday plans that don’t involve rice and saffron. I’m sure I’m not the only guy this has ever happened to… I suspect this is just a myth created by the scarf industry to make sure she spends 11 months a year wrapping her neck.