or the self-protective response of, “I just choose to be single.” But truth be told, you sometimes wonder if something is truly wrong with…you. So to begin with, let’s cradle this moment of self-reflection with a heavy dose of compassion for any choices you’ve made up to this point in time. Here are some common patterns that might be keeping you single: When you’re hiding your true self, how can someone fall in love with the “real” you? The responses usually run the gamut of blaming this misfortune on a string of bad women or men, bad luck, the law of attraction… The key here is to develop an ability to see the proverbial “forest through the trees” when it comes to your history with love.While it is important to keep some standards, being too picky is often a bigger sign that you are simply afraid to be vulnerable in love, and you are finding excuses to protect your heart.It might be time to dig a little deeper, and ask yourself the real reasons for your selectiveness.You may have a tendency to feel really uncomfortable with intimacy and value your independence. We all have different needs when it comes to intimacy.There’s no right or wrong way to do it, as long as you’re honest with yourself and your partners.Basically, at that point, you should just submit to a relationship of no standards at all and have a less satisfied relationship because of it. Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage?Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page.
dating a giant
It takes courage to be authentic on a date when you’re seeking the approval of a stranger.If intimacy and commitment are important to you, then have no fear. If you’re stuck, try to think of the dating process as a weak muscle that needs exercise to get strong. Most of all, create a pattern of choosing and trusting love, instead of fear, and love will have no choice but to surround you.Talk about it openly, and trust that there are plenty of people who won’t shy from your need for closeness. About the Author: Chelli Pumphrey Chelli Pumphrey, MA, LPC is a love & dating coach and a Licensed Professional Counselor from Denver, CO.More importantly, she’s a human being who strives to live an authentic life, by being real, raw, and unafraid to express her truth.
She is devoted to helping others live and love passionately by gaining the confidence to be authentic in their own lives.
A 2014 study found that those, especially as they get older, who put being in a relationship above the quality of the relationship, end up being, for lack of a better word, miserable.