Let’s try some introspection before we start dating. It’s hard for me to admit I was using dating to prove I was still wantable.I confused being liked with having self-esteem, but that comes This last one is more for the benefit of your prospective beaus.I severely underestimated the toll of having been George’s caregiver.I needed to spend what energies I did have taking care of myself.I hadn’t yet forgiven myself that he died on my watch. Until I resolved my own issues, I couldn’t be present for someone new because I was still living in the past.I got through the guilt with grief counseling and journaling, but I wasn’t ready to date until I’d put my ghosts to rest.I waited 14 months before joining an online dating site, but it was still too soon, at least for me. Yup, time to hit Target and pick up a new spouse now that the old one’s worn out! I hear from so many widowed folk who get plenty of love and companionship from friends and family. Yet the societal benchmark for recovery seems to be seeing someone new.I could have saved myself a lot of pain by waiting longer. I drank that koolaid as a new widow, but finally realized if I don’t want to date, it didn’t make me any less “recovered.” It also didn’t make me any more or less attractive.
I unnecessarily confused a few serious guys who wanted exclusive relationships, One fellow wrote me that after he lost his wife, he wanted a friend with benefits only. Another gentleman said he wants a girlfriend, but still wants to live separately. It helps to have a goal before shopping in the human mall of online dating.Try some long days out with friends before attempting any lengthy or faraway dates.So, what helped you to decide whether or not you were ready to date again after being widowed? And if you’re not ready, how will you know when you are?Blogging has shown me older daters are a cynical lot.